


Adapt

by merrythoughts



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Romantic Angst, Romantic Tension, Sexual Tension, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-05-27 02:17:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15014477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrythoughts/pseuds/merrythoughts
Summary: Derek is more comfortable barking out orders and lunging with his claws at a threat. The hint of something touchy-feely? A heart-to-heart? Nope. Pass. And Stiles is the quintessential horny teenager, so it's easier to look at Derek in that type of light.At first, Stiles thinks it's the same for Derek, too.[Continuation of DevilDoll'sBut Not with Derekficlet]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ReallyMissCoffee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReallyMissCoffee/gifts).
  * Inspired by [But Not with Derek](https://archiveofourown.org/works/632539) by [DevilDoll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevilDoll/pseuds/DevilDoll). 



> Hey, who's brand new to this fandom? Meeeee. I've only binged seasons 1 & 2 with Dappercript who this is dedicated to bc I heart her and she got me into this pairing and helped me edit this, too.
> 
> Just started reading fic this last week and came across DevilDoll's awesome ficlet "But Not with Derek" and I thought it was kinda nifty that others had written sequels and there's a collection so I thought I would give it a whirl o.o!
> 
> I highly recommend reading the ficlet first and then this.
> 
> Please be gentle~
> 
> Smut next chapter :3

Sex is off the table until Stiles turns eighteen. Stiles gets it. It's technically illegal and Derek has had enough trouble with the legal system (and his dad for that matter). The topic of romance hadn't even been mentioned between them. Derek is a man of few words, after all.  
  
Derek is more comfortable barking out orders and lunging with his claws at a threat. The hint of something touchy-feely? A heart-to-heart? Nope. Pass. And Stiles is the quintessential horny teenager, so it's easier to look at Derek in that type of light.  
  
At first, Stiles thinks it's the same for Derek, too.  
  
But as Scott goes back 'n forth between wanting to work with Derek's pack and becoming frustrated, they spend more time together. _Alone_. And Stiles behaves like a good little boy. He doesn't "accidentally" touch Derek or trip and fall into him. Things are decent between between them and Stiles has no problem considering Derek as a friend. Sometimes they're just around each other, hanging out because it's comfortable. They'll be doing their own thing, even, but it's still nice to not be alone.  
  
Of course there's the bickering and the long suffering sighs from Derek when Derek gets exasperated by him. There's the way Derek likes to jump and somersault in first before letting him to do some actual research and formulate a plan. Derek doesn't always listen to him either (then again, Stiles knows he can get off tangent and talk a mile a minute at times). Derek sucks at texting, but he's reliable in way that most kids Stiles' age aren't.  
  
Stiles doesn't ask about the chalkboard. He doesn't look for evidence of white on Derek's fingers. He's _not_ desperate.  
  
There's an undeniable spark between them and Stiles knows he's not the only one who feels it. He sees it in the look Derek sends him before he crawls out of his window at night (like Derek regrets having to go). Stiles notices it when _Derek_ notices his pulse pickup and Derek responds by steeling himself, his jaw clenching and it's all resolve to not mention it (because if you mention it, you're shining a light on it).  
  
It does get easier. They learn how close they can be around each other and, unless it's a life or death situation where Derek is pushing him out of harm's way, they don't get into each other's personal space.  
  
They adapt.  
  
~*~  
  
Stiles meets Hailey half way through his senior year and she's sassy like Lydia is, but she's also nice. Like _really_ nice. And pretty. And yeah, sometimes Stiles shoves his foot in his mouth, but she deals with it well. She deals with _him_ well and somehow he wins her over.  
  
Stiles doesn't tell her about the whole, supernatural magical voodoo that exists out there. Sometimes Stiles needs to jet and take care of business (aka crises) but she's chill about it. He wants to tell her, he wants to be honest, but both Scott and Derek tell him to wait and Stiles agrees. This may be his first real girlfriend, but he's not going to get twitterpated.  
  
And she's honestly such a change from Derek's almost-too intense presence. It's easy with her. Joking and holding hands, letting her cuddle up to him. It just happens. It's not complicated and difficult and there are no rules or stipulations.  
  
And Stiles tells himself that he _deserves_ this. He deserves a break from watching everyone else hook up and get all stupid about it. He deserves closeness and fun and yes, even sex. He deserves to get laid.  
  
Just because he meets her, Stiles doesn't just up and forget about Derek. Derek Hale is kinda hard to forget anyway. He's the Alpha, after all. He's gorgeous and complicated like all the best leading guys are in lame teenage romance movies. But he's not the type of person Stiles can see himself with. Or rather, he doesn't _want_ Derek to be that guy.  
  
Derek may be smoking hot, but he's complicated. Not that Stiles blames the guy. Derek has been through the ringer and then some and then then some more on top of that. Derek has a monopoly on trust issues and poor decision making.  
  
Derek is the type of guy you fantasize over and you stupidly hope that love and the right person could fix them one day.

But that's not how real life is.

~*~

They're sprawled out on the floor next to each other, textbooks open because Stiles actually _likes_ his good grades. He hears the the rumble of Derek's Camaro and Stiles fidgets. Stiles' window is open and he hopes that Derek will smell that Stiles is busy and go on his merry way because he's _not_ entirely ready to explain to Hailey why a male model is jumping into his window at nine o'clock at night.  
  
Derek does. The Camaro idles a few houses down before driving past his home and Stiles lets out a breath of relief.  
  
"Oh, come on, you don't need to pretend the question was hard for my sake," Hailey jokes and elbows him playfully.

Stiles only laughs, but it's half-hearted at best. He's steadily been spending more time with her and less with Derek. Stiles remembers when Scott had done the same with him because of Allison.  
  
~*~  
  
Even though he's finally getting some - and it's good, really good - sometimes Stiles still dreams about Derek. He can't help it, okay. He's a teenage boy who had plans to sex up a literal sex god. It's hard to forget that kind of thing.  
  
He dreams about Derek pinning him to his bedroom wall. He dreams that he'd wrap his legs around Derek's waist and cling to him like a monkey. He dreams about being kissed senseless until his lips are flushed and numb and his boxers are wet from precome. Stiles dreams of running his nails along Derek's scalp, over Derek's muscles, his skin, anything really. He dreams of Derek's sinful mouth kissing and biting his claim into Stiles' neck and Stiles arching into it.  
  
He dreams of all the times Derek has saved his life and the few times Stiles managed to return the favor.  
  
~*~  
  
The weird thing is, Derek never brings it up. Well, nevermind. _Of course_ Derek doesn't talk about it. It's not that weird concerning it's Derek, but a normal person would, though.  
  
Normal person: _Hey, so you have a girlfriend now, what's that about?_  
  
Or, _hey, I thought you were interested in me, where does this leave us now?_  
  
But Derek doesn't and while Stiles is grateful, he's still a little unnerved by it. Derek comes by less and less. No more hanging out just because.

But Derek seems fine when they do run into each other. Moody and grumpy and growly when things don't go his way.  
  
They adapt.  
  
~*~  
  
"So, do you think you're going to apply there?" Hailey asks, pausing the game.  
  
It's a simple question, but at the same time it's not so simple. They've had this conversation before and it makes sense to try and get into the school that Hailey's been accepted to. It's Hailey's dream program, but it's also across the country and his dad is here and Scott is staying and the pack is here…  
  
"I'll shoot out an application there," Stiles says. "No harm in trying. Wish it wasn't like eleven thousand miles away, but you at least picked the same country, so that's something."  
  
She gives a scoff and scoots up to him on the floor, leaning her head on Stiles' shoulder. "I'm going to finish kicking your ass on Rainbow Road, c'mon."  
  
Mario Kart sounds better than any big life altering decisions so Stiles doesn't hesitate to let himself get ran off the course once or twice. He likes hearing Hailey's whoops of victory and the next race he'll prove he's the superior driver (she's pretty good, for a girl).  
  
~*~  
  
One day Isaac corners him in the hall and Stiles gives a jump, not having expecting the social.  
  
"Hiya, Lanky-pup."  
  
"Don't call me the," Isaac says, sounding more unimpressed than angry.

Isaac situates himself in such a way that it's obvious that his intent is to prohibit Stiles from leaving... So, they're doing this then, yep.  
  
"Okay, fine, what's up?" Stiles decides to be agreeable here. Isaac could beat the tar out of him if he wanted. (Not that he thinks Isaac _is_ going to, but hey, best to be safe.)  
  
"What's with you and Derek?"

 _Really?_  
  
Stiles makes an incredulous face, one eyebrow raising as he crosses his arms and leans against his locker. He's the epitome of defensiveness. "Don't know what ya mean. Going to have to be more clear than that. Use your words and all."  
  
Stiles has no idea what Isaac knows, _if_ he knows, _if_ Derek has talked to him about any of it. Now he wishes Derek and him would have talked some, but Christ, it's going to have to be him to bring it up, of course. It always is. Heaven forbid Derek open his mouth and talk about personal stuff.  
  
"He used to spend a lot of time with you, over at your house even," Isaac begins carefully. "You know how he is. Private. Guarded. But he seemed… A little more relaxed. A little lighter. At least, _before_..."  
  
It's both an accusation and an inquiry.  
  
Stiles doesn't give anything away. His face is impassive as he can manage. And then he straightens. "Before I met Hailey," is what Stiles adds on, his tone edged with a challenge.  
  
"Yeah," Isaac confirms.  
  
"So now he's what, uber sourwolf again, mope master supreme?" Stiles asks, not exactly kindly. "He could have had me, okay? He was the one that wanted to wait 'til I was eighteen. And as far as it was discussed, it was just a sex-thing."  
  
"A sex-thing?" Isaac echoes, apparently not getting it.  
  
"Yep, a sex-thing, a rip off all of the clothes and roll around in the hay-thing."  
  
Isaac looks a little uncomfortable so Stiles thinks he's done his job.  
  
"I don't think it was just a sex-thing for him, Stiles."  
  
This has Stiles losing some of his bravado. He shifts from one sneaker to the next and swallows past a lump. Somehow hearing it from someone else - someone who knows Derek at least a little - is different than merely suspecting it.  
  
"Maybe that's how it started--"  
  
"Doesn't matter what it is _now_ ," Stiles interrupts. "Or what it started as. I met Hailey and I love her and Derek hasn't said any of this to me."

He feels a little childish as he pushes at Isaac's chest and yeah, he knows it's Isaac who lets him by but Stiles tries to be as haughty and done as he can muster.  
  
~*~

Freakin' rabid Omega. Dealing with one wasn't exactly what any of them had planned on, but Beacon Hills is literally a beacon and same with Derek's Alpha status. It's bringin' all the trouble to the yard…  
  
Derek has probably already healed, but he looks worse for the wear. His Henley is ripped up, there's dirt and blood - both Derek's and the Omega's.  
  
Right now they're standing out by Stiles' Jeep which is on and running and just waiting for him to get in and leave. Scott and Isaac have already split, but it has been a while since Stiles has had Derek alone so he's talking animatedly and just catching up, or rather forcing the catching up on Derek.  
  
And it's then, with Derek arms crossed and leaning against the side of his Jeep, that Stiles realizes he's legitimately _missed_ Derek. He's missed talking to (and _at_ him). Derek doesn't totally look engaged, but Stiles _knows_ that he's listening and it somehow squeezes at his guts in an uncomfortable kind of way.  
  
Then it's Derek uncrossing his arms and stepping in closer and Stiles tenses because he knows this is _too_ close. There's no way this would have been allowed in the past. Derek's hand reaches out to tilt Stiles' head to the side while his other hand comes to Stiles' neck.  
  
"Hey man, what's the deal?" Stiles asks but his voice is all wrong, it sounds a little too forced, a little too panicked.  
  
"You're bleeding."  
  
Stiles' own hand then reaches up to investigate and, sure enough, his fingers find blood and the touch stings.  
  
"A branch must'a scratched me or something," Stiles says quietly.

He's very much aware that Derek is close and his hand is still on his neck and there's fingers at his temple too. Stiles' heart is beating quicker and he knows that Derek _knows_ because of course he knows.  
  
This is the closest they've been in months and it's not like the wound is all that serious, it doesn't require--  
  
Derek steps in closer yet and his head leans down and Stiles' mouth is open to say something - anything, to ask, to protest - but the slide of a warm tongue against his neck silences Stiles.

He freezes as he realizes Derek is _licking_ at the cut, lapping at the blood, cleaning and tending to it as a dog would to a wound.  
  
Each lick is slow and careful. Stiles feels the curious soft wetness against broken skin and it shouldn't have him paralyzed.  
  
But it does.  
  
He knows he should push Derek away. He has a girlfriend. He loves her, too.  
  
Derek isn't actually holding him here, though. Derek isn't forcing him, but Stiles' body feels like it's in a cage.  
  
Stiles doesn't dare close his eyes. His hands are by his sides, shaking.  
  
When Derek pulls away, his expression is pinched.  
  
"Didn't think your body would react like this," he says. The ' _anymore'_  is left unsaid.

Derek leaves, having the last words and everything. Dick.  
  
Stiles wants to be angry. He wants to be indignant too because what kind of jerk just goes ahead and licks at someone's neck? At a bleeding cut? Psychos, that's who… but Derek isn't a psycho. Not really.  
  
Mostly he's just shocked. His pants are tight and the saliva on his neck is cool as the air touches it. He gets into his Jeep and drives home and tries to not think that it means anything.

It _doesn't_ mean anything, right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Be honest, do you only want me because you can't have me now? Is it that? Like, I'm off the market and now I'm a hot commodit--"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, maybe this will be at least three chapters now!?
> 
> I promise this will eventually have a happy ending and some smut... (ง'̀-'́)
> 
> Edit: Sorry fixed wonky formatting...

It's all kinds of messed up. All kinds of no, nope, no way, not supposed to happen, and yet Stiles can't forget about it. How could he? It happened. He shouldn't have allowed it to happen, but he hadn't even voiced a protest, hadn't even _attempted_ to stop Derek. Well, crap.

He gets home, peels his clothes off and gets into the shower. Dirt and sweat and Derek's dried saliva wash down his body and then down the drain. Blood would have rinsed off of him as well if Derek hadn't been so thorough. Stiles still doesn't know how to take it. Stiles also doesn't know what to think about it or what to _do_. There's an edge of arousal that remains, it's clinging to Stiles like a second skin. He tries to go through his normal shower routine: wash his hair, wash his body, gargle water, spit the water out, tip his head from side to side to get the water out of his ears, and yet... Stiles gets out of the shower and glances downward with a scowl.

"You," he addresses his half-hard dick sternly. "You behave. Stop being into weird shit. We're regularly getting some, there's no need to be desperate." But apparently Stiles Jr. likes being a rebel.

~*~

It's awkward the next time he sees Hailey. Stiles know that there is no way she can _know_ , but he still feels paranoid. He feels guilty too, even though he hadn't started it, he hadn't even sought it out or really participated… but he hadn't stopped it either.

He _hadn't_ stopped Derek… and that's the problem. A big problem? Stiles doesn't know how to quantify it yet.

There's no way he can tell her, of course. How would he? ' _Oh hey, you know that older guy that hangs out with us sometime? Yeah, the hot one. After a night of tromping in the woods and dealing with a violent Omega werewolf he did me a solid and licked a cut on my neck clean. Just bros being bros, no worries._ ' Not going to happen. Ever.

He holds onto her hand and tries to listen to her complain about Harris which he's usually down for considering Harris still hates him with the fury of a thousand suns.

"Gross, your hand is all sweaty," Hailey comments as she suddenly pulls her own hand away.

"Hey, it's manly sweat," Stiles protests, trying to cover up the fact that he's feeling nervous and therefore there's been an increase in his perspiration.

"Uh huh, and what's this man been doing that he needs to sweat?"

"Being an attentive boyfriend and listening?" He flashes her a grin that feels only about 25% disingenuous. She laughs and accepts it and he feels like an asshole but it's still better than the alternative (almost anything is).

~*~

He still hasn't applied to Hailey's college. Stiles _wants_ to, he does, it's just that everytime he pulls up the online application _something_ happens. Life gets in the way. It's a problem.

Lydia has a meltdown and he tries to console her over the phone because hey, he's still her friend and she was his major crush for years. Some redneck hunters stir up problems with Derek's pack and things get testy with the Argents and it feels a bit like a bad talkshow of name calling and pointing fingers but somehow no one dies or gets maimed so Stiles is pretty pleased overall. Other werewolves just _have_ to stop by and they're not exactly civilized either and then it becomes a werewolf rumble of all _gwarrr_ and claws and territorial and violent and none of them care for him trying to play the peacekeeper, but he does it anyway.

Through it all, Stiles shows up and tries to help. He's a decent mediator and really, these are his friends too. He cares about Scott and Derek. About Isaac and Erica and Boyd. He may not be one of them, but Stiles learns that he's pack too. It's one of those lessons that can't be told to him by anyone, but gradually he just _feels_ it and he knows they all would try and stick their necks out for him and that it's mutual.

They don't talk about the neck licking thing. Stiles pointedly doesn't bring it up. Normally he would be all over that. An awkward subject and pestering Derek? That's his jam but yeah, he doesn't touch this one. Nope. Hard pass.

Sometimes Isaac's eyes watch _them_ \- watch Derek and him - and Stiles bristles. He worries that Scott or someone else will notice and then ask. And hey, it's not his fault that they're in this awkward position. Who the hell just says, ' _oh, there's sexual attraction here but we gotta wait until you're eighteen?'_

Stiles hadn't promised Derek anything and Derek hadn't even asked. (And _maybe_ that's the problem because what if…)

What if it's _more_ than just lust? What if it's more than a shared sexual attraction between them and a rip off the clothes and roll around the hay type of thing? What _then_?

Because he can see himself applying to Hailey's school. Stiles can see moving with her and taking his Jeep, packed with his belongings, and making the trip cross country. She's a great girl. He can see himself proposing to her too and his dad would be so proud. His dad _already_ likes her anyway. Scott would be his best man, but they wouldn't get married until they got their degrees because they'd be practical (he hopes).

But in another life he can see himself going to Derek's, he can see himself taking back the damn chalkboard and erasing the remaining lines off of it. Stiles can see himself writing two words and a symbol instead: ' _you + me_ ' and shoving it in Derek's stupidly handsome face. And Stiles can see himself lunging at Derek and leeching onto him until Derek finally returned the hug.

And maybe doing naked stuff isn't as important as Derek actually being _his_. Maybe simply being _each other's_ is more important.

~*~

It may be cliche, but the sheer simplicity of a dinner and a movie is pretty great. It beats strategy meetings where it seems like no one can agree on anything and the whole time Derek glares, Scott pouts, Isaac looks unsure and Erica and Boyd look unimpressed. He's also been getting the urge to touch his neck. There's no scar from the scratch, but he still knows where it is. Derek had mapped it out with his tongue and Stiles is _never_ forgetting.

Dinner and a movie are done but before Hailey walks to her car, she's pushing him against his Jeep, outside of his home, and kissing him like she really means it which hey, is also pretty great.

The problem is, Stiles can see Derek in his room. Now, it's not that Derek is being a creeper (this time). Stiles had given him the OK for him to stop by later, Stiles just had expected it to be _more_ later. She can't see Derek. Her back is facing his house, but Stiles can see the brooding form of Derek Hale in his window, blanketed in shadows and watching them. Stiles hands are on Hailey's waist. He doesn't close his eyes, but he does kiss back. He _can't_ close his eyes because hellooooo, Derek.

It's then Stiles wonders how it would be to kiss _Derek_. Derek has the whole stubble thing going on so that would probably scratch along his face. Stiles doesn't think that would be necessarily _bad_ though, just an extra sensation to deal with. Hailey is about his size, they both can equally push around each other but Derek would have to let himself he pushed around but there'd be no stopping Derek if _Derek_ got pushy--

"Hey, sorry I don't have time to come over and take care of this for you," Hailey suddenly says as a hand snakes between them and she squeezes his hard-on.

Stiles just laughs goodnaturedly. "Naw, it's fine, boys and easy boners are kinda a thing and I happen to be an available expert in taking care of mine."

She grins and leans forward, pecking a kiss on his cheek. "Don't have too much fun taking care of that," Hailey smiles as she pulls away. "I'll text you tomorrow, yeah? Love you."

Stiles repeats the words back, waves and then watches her get into her Sunfire and drive off.

Derek is still there, looming like an immovable stone gargoyle with an expression that Stiles can't make out (and he's unsure if he would want to anyhow).

Stiles plods his way inside his house, kicking off his sneakers and then walking up to his bedroom in careful equally spaced steps. His heart is beating a little quicker than he'd like, but at least it's not jackrabbiting in his chest.

When Stiles opens his bedroom door, Derek turns to face him. Stiles forgoes the room light for his desk lamp. Once it's turned on, Stiles takes a look at Derek. Grey Henley, faded jeans, belt. The typical Derek ensemble minus the leather jacket.

"Thought you'd be by later," Stiles says in way of a greeting.

"Sorry."

"You don't sound sorry." Stiles pulls off the plaid button-up shirt he had over his tee and tosses it in his laundry hamper.

”I'm not," Derek answers and doesn't look chagrined in the least.

Stiles rolls his eyes. They could bicker. It could be like old times and after a few verbal jabs, Derek would eventually cut to the chase, but--

Like a rubber band, something snaps. Stiles huffs and stalks over to Derek, getting up in his personal space and not caring one bit about the "rules" that had been worked out and set up months ago.

"Why didn't you tell me it wasn't _just_ a sex thing?" Stiles demands, but his voice is somewhat hushed. While his dad is working an overnight shift, Stiles doesn't want to be loud. This conversation feels like it shouldn't be loud. It needs to be a hushed thing, words exchanged in the near dark.

Derek's face is so still, so perfectly blank, that Stiles wants to punch Derek just to ruin it, to make anything appear even if it's disdain or anger.

"That's what it was."

"Yeah, maybe at the start, but it didn't _stay_ that way, right?" Stiles doesn't feel brave right now. He feels reckless, but he's being forced by the need to at least _know_. He's gotta know.

Derek's eyes dart to the window--

"Don't even think about it," Stiles warns, knowing that Derek would rather bolt than have this talk - than have almost any emotionally charged talk. He's seen it before. Experienced it before, but not this time. "Answer my question."

Derek glares, but it's not a pissed off glare. It's the inner turmoil type and it's the type that is harder to witness but Stiles stands his ground. He can't back down.

"It… didn't stay that way," Derek confirms quietly and then swallows. He looks distinctly uncomfortable and normally Stiles would be all for this - all for jumping on this and teasing the shit out of Derek - but not during this conversation, not when it involves potential feelings for _him_.

"Why didn't…" Stiles begins, eyebrows pinching, his mouth a thoughtful frown. "Why didn't you _say_ anything?"

Derek gives a small snort. "I may be a jerk, but I'm not a complete asshole," he says with a shrug of one overly-toned shoulder. "You found someone else. I wasn't about to mess that up."

Stiles' lips flatten. It makes sense. He knows it does. Stiles takes a measured breath in through his nose and tries to will his heart to calm the fuck down. One part of his mind is screaming, ' _who cares! This doesn't change anything'_ while another part - for some reason - is convinced that it does, that it just _has_ to.

"Is it like…" Stiles sighs and licks his lips. "Like, Princess Bride _true love_?" He can't believe he's saying these words to Derek, but he's gotta know. "Or maybe a, ' _this is just a crush_ ' thing?" He's speeding up, his mouth moving faster, the words tumbling out without much (or any) forethought. "Be honest, do you only want me because you can't have me now? Is it that? Like, I'm off the market and now I'm a hot commodit--"

He's stopped by Derek's hand shooting out and coming to wrap over his mouth and silence him. Stiles blinks rapidly. Derek's hand is warm against his face and Derek looks… conflicted and it's not a good look on him. It makes Stiles hurt in a way he's not entirely prepared to deal with.

"You want to know so badly, Stiles?"

Stiles can't answer of course, but Derek doesn't need him to. It's a rhetorical question and it's one Stiles is uncertain if he wants to know the answer to anyway.

"It's not a: ' _this is just a crush'_ thing," Derek says lowly, his tone controlled and tight. "It's an: ' _I wish I didn't fall for a stupid kid who just wants to fuck'_ thing."

Stiles is motionless, his eyes wide and his mouth is still covered. His heart pounds away crazily in his chest and he doesn't dare to try and break away (not that he could).

And these are words that Stiles _shouldn't_ want to hear. It's like watching a car crash and having some sick fascination with the destruction and chaos erupting at the scene.

Derek is a car crash. Derek is _his_ car crash.

"I wish you weren't a part of this life, Stiles, but not because you're annoying. Because I want you to be safe. So, I'm glad you found her and I'm glad you're going to move away. It's better this way and that's why I really didn't say anything."

Their eyes meet and for once Stiles has so much to say but he has no words. He couldn't speak even if he wanted as Derek's palm is covering his mouth. Stiles feels simultaneously shocked and incredulous. He doesn't _want_ to be supported in dating Hailey and going off to college because it's going to get him out of harm's way. The very idea actually infuriates him.

But that's not the pressing matter here. The pressing insistent matter - the veritable elephant in the room - is that, apparently, Derek legitimately has _feelings_ for him.

Lanky-pup had been right.

When Derek finally removes his hand Stiles breathes out slowly and then bites his bottom lip. After he's done that, his mouth then parts to say something - to say anything because c'mon, he's Stiles Stilinski, talking is what he _does_ \- but what do you say to all of _that_?

This is the first time he's heard Derek ever speak so much concerning _them_ and the fact that he has to reference them as a them is frankly kind of terrifying (and should be put to a stop - shouldshouldshould - but Stiles can't).

"I'll go," Derek predictably announces.

Stiles' hand automatically shoots out and grasps Derek's arm to stop him.

Of course Derek could easily pull away.

But he doesn't.

Instead, Derek looks down at this single point of contact between them. Stiles can vividly recall the first time he'd done something similar in his Jeep. He'd grabbed at Derek's shoulder and Derek had been utterly scandalized by his apparent audacity.

This time, Derek doesn't give him the ' _what do you think you're doing_ ' look.

And this time Stiles steps in closer and he bows his head, his forehead coming to rest on Derek's shoulder while his hand clutches at the fabric of Derek's sleeve. This is the closest they've been in months and Stiles feels a complicated mix of dread and thrill at their proximity.

It's Derek's turn to be frozen but Derek doesn't push him away and Stiles squeezes his eyes shut, trying to sort through the jumbled mess that is his heart and head. It feels like ball pit with all the colorful plastic balls and he's just trying to find a G.I Joe toy he's dropped. He doesn't want to give up, but the task seems hopeless.

"It's complicated," Stiles murmurs. It's hardly poetic. It's not any sort of wisdom, but it's the truth.

"Usually is," Derek replies, his voice is equally quiet and almost strained. Stiles doesn't like hearing it. It's not Derek's usual tone and Stiles has the ridiculous urge to try and annoy Derek to at least forcibly move them from this uncomfortable standstill.

"It… it's not _just_ a sex thing, okay? I don't know what it is. What it _could_ have been. But I don't think it's just _that_."

Unlike the movies or books, the truth doesn't set Stiles free. The words, the implication, they're out there now, floating between them and Derek is motionless. Stiles wishes he could press pause on this moment, that he could stop it so he could freakin' think and try to sort things out, but that Derek would stay here with him.

Stiles likes this closeness, he likes that the rules have been thrown to the side. Derek is warm and smells good too. It feels like it's been _forever_ since they've been close enough that Stiles can actually smell Derek's detergent and deodorant. They're scents that probably shouldn't matter, that a normal person wouldn't care about, but apparently Stiles cares (probably because he's been denied them in the past).

"Stiles."

Stiles doesn't like the tone. It sounds final somehow. Too serious. He tenses and his hand grips Derek's forearm tighter.

It won't matter, of course. Derek can easily extricate himself whenever he wants to, but Stiles isn't ready to give up this moment yet.

"Stiles," Derek tries again and Stiles shakes his head. He feels like a child refusing to give up a toy. He doesn't want to, he doesn't want to, you can't make him--

"Stiles isn't listening," he mutters but his words have no heat, no snark. Stiles' chest feels tight, his heart is beating too quick and he doesn't want Derek to hear it--

"Hey, it's okay." They're words that Stiles doesn't want to hear. "This is better for you. I'm sure of it. You'll be fine."

"Yeah, and what about you, huh?" Stiles shoots back.

Derek sighs and his hand comes to bury in Stiles' hair at the back of his head. He grips and pulls Stiles' head off his shoulder. There's a little tension and immediately Stiles' body registers that it likes it (hey, still interested), but his eyes are open when they meet Derek's and it's…

It's something. Derek looks resolute. Stiles doesn't want to know what his face looks like.

"I'll be fine too. Always am," Derek answers.

Stiles believes him, but is _fine_ good enough for either of them?

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos gratefully accepted <3


End file.
